Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Don't mess with the people who make your food.

So, you are in line.
There are 15 people in front of you, you can see another 10 waiting for a drink.
You begin bitching about how long it is taking to order.
I am standing behind you rolling my eyes.
You finally get up to the counter. You are rude to my friend behind the counter.
I am standing behind you with my middle finger up and the people behind me are smiling because you are obnoxious.
You are waiting for your drink and begin to be rude to my friend making the drinks for the 15 people who ordered before you did.
I am standing behind you with both my middle fingers extended, and the other people in the store are chuckling because you are acting like a bitch in public and no one likes bitches.
You start harassing my friend behind the counter for your drink.
I smile at my friend and wink.
Your drink is ready.
You walk out and most of the other people in the store are looking at you, wonder why?

You made a complete fool of yourself by being a complete twat in public, and because of YOUR actions many people now think you are a raging bitch. Good job you. Oh and by the way, it was decaf. Don't fuck with the people who serve you.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Closing Time

If you, as a customer, go into an establishment 5 minuets before they close, feel free to hang out for those 5 minuets. We will serve you to the best of our ability for those 5 minuets. But for the love of all that is good in this world, don't you DARE stay longer. We work our asses off so we can go home to our families, and by your inconsiderate behavior you are preventing any hope of getting home on time. What you probably don't understand is the fact that there are many things that we are not allowed to do before people leave the store. Things such as mopping floors, cleaning around you, shutting down food items etc. ALL of these things need to be done before we are given leave to go home. By you staying those extra 15 minuets, you are successfully preventing us from doing our jobs and putting our lives on hold for YOU. Many of us have children and families that are waiting for us. Believe it or not, you are NOT that important. Please respect our personal time as we do our best to respect yours 17 hours out of the day.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Thank you

Thank you to that beautiful person who smiled at me yesterday. Thank you for laughing with me when I cracked a joke, but most of all, thank you for treating me just like any other person. It is people like you, who keep aloft my tattered balloon of hope in humanity. I appreciate you. Everyone else in the customer service industry appreciates you. Keep up the good work. :)

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Oh My

So the theory behind the customer service industry is this; if you treat the customer like they are worth a million bucks, then they will continue to patronize your business. Anyone who has worked a service job knows the saying; "The customer is always right."
OK, I understand the theory. It must be said that this is just a theory and a poor one at that. Treating people consistantly like all of my hopes and dreams are centered around making them a latte or serving them a sandwich makes people abominably rude, narcissistic and self-centered. Not to mention the inflated ego that usually accompanies these side effects put to shame any major drug on the market out there. Think about it, if a pharmaceutical company sent a drug to the masses to cure anal leakage, or whatever it is that people get drugs for, that caused drastic and permanent personality changes; the FDA would be all over that like a fat kid on the last cupcake.
The service industry itself is creating an inane standard for the people that work these thankless and low paying jobs, and the standard keeps climbing higher due to the competitive market. If I am not constantly impressing upon my customers just how HAPPY I am to be serving them today, I am reprimanded or fired. I understand and endorse basic niceties. Smile, say please, thank you and have a good day. These are some of the small things that keep humans from killing one another in the day to day. But when I am talking to a customer and they are treating me like a piece of dog shit they just found on the bottom of a shoe, and I am STILL supposed to be so happy to be helping them today, the customer is NOT always right. The customer is a twat who can suck my imaginary balls. Frankly, I would like the right to say something to that effect. "I am sorry sir, but until you can find the strength of spirit to treat me like another human being who shares air with you on this planet instead of a coffee grabbing robot with tits; you can take your money elsewhere. I have no need for your type of people here."
I dream of a world where everyone is treated with respect and dignity. The sad truth is, those people who are serving you your coffee or food behind the counter, are rarely treated with anything resembling respect or dignity. Not by customers, and most definitely not by the company they work for. They get paid to swallow whatever pride they ever had, and humble themselves to serve those who treat them like impersonal robots programmed to appreciate the condescending tones, the violent outbursts, and the verbal abuse that makes up a day.
Yay America.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Would you like room for germs?

Scenario: You walk in to a coffee shop to get your morning cuppa joe. You get to the registers and the girl behind the counter is , pale, sniffling, sneezing and coughing. Yum. Do you really want this germ carrier to serve you coffee?
Complain!! There are very few times I think it is necessary for customers to complain to management or to the Health Department but this is one of them. Those of us behind the counter have no say in this person being present. When someone is forced by management to come to work ill they are condemning the rest of us to sickness as well. Trust me we are not ok with this.
Do your consumerly duty to the rest of us and complain. You bitch and moan when your latte isn't 143 degrees, this is something that actually matters. Bitch about it. Believe it or not consumers have the power in this position, if you see something going on that isn't right tell a manager that you are not ok with sick people serving you coffee. They HAVE to do something about it!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


Americans are fat asses. Most Americans are aware of the epidemic and don't really give a shit because bonbons are so tasty. What most Americans don't know is that I contribute to the growing waistline of this country.
When someone walks into my store with man-eating cankles and the spandex leggings that valiantly attempt to hold everything ON the body of the clinically obese person, I feel guilty. Never does one of them order just plain water like they should, it is always breve lattes with 12 pumps of white mocha, extra caramel and whipped cream. I have to serve them just like I would a skinny person getting tea. I feel like an enabler giving them the means to kill themselves. One of these days there will be a lawsuit about some obese person dying from a heart attack and the family will try to bring charges against McDonalds or Starbucks for serving the deceased beyond capacity. Assisted suicide. Because the only thing Americans love more than fatty foods is a good lawsuit.

Monday, February 1, 2010


I wonder, should I be proud when my trainees adopt my brittle sarcasm and jaded outlook? After training five people, four of them have magically aquired a sarcastic if not even cynical outlook on life, work and customers in general. The fifth starts tomorrow. ;) For some reason my managers keep asking why is it that everyone who works at our shop is sarcastic.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Blizzard Warning!

So there are 3 feet of snow on the ground. More falling from the sky. You still want to pay for your coffee instead of making some yourself. OK, I get paid to help you and frankly, not too many other people are here begging for my time. Yes, we are in fact closing early due to the storm, No you may not stay here past when we close. I understand your Mercedes is having trouble in the snow but unfortunately, it is not my problem that you were stupid enough this morning to take the damn thing out of the garage. Have a great day!!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Drip drop

So, you drive up to the window, and the snow melt is dripping into your car when you roll down your window. so sorry. that must really suck for you to get 5- 10 splashes on your hot pink velor pantsuit that is 2 sizes too small for your fat ass. Your poor little Suburban. Then you decide that the 2 feet of snow that is slowly melting in the sunshine, 12 feet up, on top of the roof, is in fact, MY fault and commence yelling at me about the drops of water. I understand no one likes to be dripped on. I get it. But I have been here for the last 8 hours, and every time someone drives up and informs me that the roof is indeed dripping on them, I just want to scoop up the snow from the ground and say "yeah this white shit turns into water!!"
Shocking isn't it?