Would you like room for germs?

Scenario: You walk in to a coffee shop to get your morning cuppa joe. You get to the registers and the girl behind the counter is , pale, sniffling, sneezing and coughing. Yum. Do you really want this germ carrier to serve you coffee?

Complain!! There are very few times I think it is necessary for customers to complain to management or to the Health Department but this is one of them. Those of us behind the counter have no say in this person being present. When someone is forced by management to come to work ill they are condemning the rest of us to sickness as well. Trust me we are not ok with this.

Do your consumerly duty to the rest of us and complain. You bitch and moan when your latte isn't 143 degrees, this is something that actually matters. Bitch about it. Believe it or not consumers have the power in this position, if you see something going on that isn't right tell a manager that you are not ok with sick people serving you coffee. They HAVE to do something about it!

FAT

Americans are fat asses. Most Americans are aware of the epidemic and don't really give a shit because bonbons are so tasty. What most Americans don't know is that I contribute to the growing waistline of this country.

When someone walks into my store with man-eating cankles and the spandex leggings that valiantly attempt to hold everything ON the body of the clinically obese person, I feel guilty. Never does one of them order just plain water like they should, it is always breve lattes with 12 pumps of white mocha, extra caramel and whipped cream. I have to serve them just like I would a skinny person getting tea. I feel like an enabler giving them the means to kill themselves. One of these days there will be a lawsuit about some obese person dying from a heart attack and the family will try to bring charges against McDonalds or Starbucks for serving the deceased beyond capacity. Assisted suicide. Because the only thing Americans love more than fatty foods is a good lawsuit.

Training

I wonder, should I be proud when my trainees adopt my brittle sarcasm and jaded outlook? After training five people, four of them have magically aquired a sarcastic if not even cynical outlook on life, work and customers in general. The fifth starts tomorrow. ;) For some reason my managers keep asking why is it that everyone who works at our shop is sarcastic.
Oops.

Blizzard Warning!

So there are 3 feet of snow on the ground. More falling from the sky. You still want to pay for your coffee instead of making some yourself. OK, I get paid to help you and frankly, not too many other people are here begging for my time. Yes, we are in fact closing early due to the storm, No you may not stay here past when we close. I understand your Mercedes is having trouble in the snow but unfortunately, it is not my problem that you were stupid enough this morning to take the damn thing out of the garage. Have a great day!!

Drip drop

So, you drive up to the window, and the snow melt is dripping into your car when you roll down your window. so sorry. that must really suck for you to get 5- 10 splashes on your hot pink velor pantsuit that is 2 sizes too small for your fat ass. Your poor little Suburban. Then you decide that the 2 feet of snow that is slowly melting in the sunshine, 12 feet up, on top of the roof, is in fact, MY fault and commence yelling at me about the drops of water. I understand no one likes to be dripped on. I get it. But I have been here for the last 8 hours, and every time someone drives up and informs me that the roof is indeed dripping on them, I just want to scoop up the snow from the ground and say "yeah this white shit turns into water!!"
Shocking isn't it?

Day 2

Gotta love people who don't live in the real world.

Lady come in today with 2 carat diamonds in her ears driving a luxury suburban reserved for moms with nannies and/or rich housewives with nothing better to do then attempt to use all of the oil in the world for their beast of a vehicle. She seemed down so I asked her how her morning was going.

"Horrible! I just had a massage!"

Ummm what?!?! how could your day possibly be horrible then?! I thought to myself.

"Really? that would be amazing, I need to get one myself soon." I respond politely. ( I have had ONE professional massage in my lifetime and it was a birthday present from a friend. sad.. i know.)

She responds " My back is hurting because I got a deep tissue massage to relax, so I am going to go home and sleep the rest of the day."

This is 11am. Wow.

I hope I never become as jaded as that woman. One of her earrings alone could have killed 2 of my bills. Wealthy, privileged and your life is so tough that you have to go get a massage? Cry me a river Lady.

Really.

Day One

First customer, " Hi, my name is J, How are you doing today?"

"Get me a coffee" says Grumpy Man number one. Stay cheerful.. just stay cheerful. I tell myself.

"Sure thing! Can I get anything else for you today?" I respond in a sing song happy voice.

"No"

"Ok, no problem! I'll have that right up for ya!"

Grumpy Man practically throws his money across the counter at me and just walks away when i deliver his coffee a full 15 seconds later.

Now what is the problem with this interaction?

Issue 1. Grumpy man decided to completely ignore that fact that I asked him a polite and friendly question. Politeness dictates a marginal response, a "Fine" would have been acceptable. Apparently that would take too much O2 out of his system to say.

Issue 2. I am aware that manners are falling out of fashion with the youth of today but the middle aged should know better. A simple "Please" or a "Thank you" would have been phenomenal towards alleviating the sense of hostility this man is projecting. I would have taken either because asking for both would have been expecting too much.. obviously. maybe I should run a manners school for the layman.

Issue 3. Throwing money is not an acceptably way of transferring money from one person to another. If parting with the 2 dollars is so painful for you that you have to do it quickly to prevent lasting aches, perhaps you should not be going to a coffee shop for your cuppa joe. Make it at home and save those of us behind the counter from having to deal with your monetary attachment issues.

Please?